What can only be described as the most EPIC pre-Edition convoy commenced on thus forth the day of Saturday the 15th of August 2009. Starting the day, me and Simply met up at Bolton services around midday with the plan set to make the trip up to Birch to meet our fellow h20 bretheren.
The day was starting well, the weather WASN’T. Thanks man upstairs – really appreciated that. It wasn’t too cold but was a tad wet. Once at Birch the usual session of stupid pics and chitty chatty occured until it was time to leave. I just couldn’t help myself seens as Brother Calvert had kindly lent me his camera for the weekend. The Ricarazzi was in town. Eeeek.
Of course it was always going to happen that one person would be late, and who was it? None other than hardcore dubber bird Helen.
I recieved a phone call saying “are we meeting at Birch or Burtonwood?“. “Birch” i replied. “Oh, i’ve just seen a sign for Burtonwood and then Widnes, St Helens and Liverpool am i going the right way?“. At that point we all put our heads in our hands. “No your going the complete opposite way you tit” i replied. So, 20 or so minutes later Helen eventually made it.
We were finally on our way. No one had anticipated just how epic the convoy was going to be. It was only when we got there that Adam mentioned that he had already taken 300 pictures, hardcore mofo. Thats what you get for constantly hanging out the window. Couple that with the fact that The Fonejacker a.k.a. Dean was practicing the same stunt, but a bit more hardcore as seen on left, and we already have well over 400 pics. nice one, thats me purchasing some more webspace. Lollage. As always though, it’s worth it!
Once leaving the M62 we had a quick re-group in a layby to set up sat nav and make sure we were all together. Things were looking good, including the weather as that had to started to pick up! Thankfully!
Sat nav set we were on our merry way, well Danny and Adam were, the rest of us had to dive for our cars to make sure we could stick with them. It didn’t work though and some of us got split up. I give you all a little tip – never follow a bird through somewhere that no one knows, especially one that ended up going the wrong way to start with! :-p
After finding the right way and finally making it to the gates of the hallowed house, in we went and set up camp. Of course the main priority was camera’s out and beers opened, and then it would be time for tents and the like! With Nathan having to move his car 4 times (HAHAHAHAA) we were eventually set up and the beer was really starting to flow. Out came Jez with his perve lense on the hunt for fanjita which might be walking past.
The day drew on and the beer was flowing. It was like a pre-Edition warm up! Eventually 6pm came around and finally the camp took it’s first victim. Aptly named “The Bodyman”, various concoctions had taken their full effect on him and had caused him to pass out, and then…
Eeeeee that was a nice sight! Funny aswell! And yes i know i’m a twat with a camera! Oh well! Not long after our resident scene bird Helen followed suit and passed out in her car. Of courser, Gilley – The Marine – played the nice guy and stayed with her giving her plenty of moral support and comfort whilst she chucked her guts up! Haha! They were the least of our worries though as a heated debate about getting bollocks out was in full swing. First it was Todd, then Gilley (inbetween supporting Helen), then me! Oh dear! I learnt something new though – apparently i have a “well sized pair”. Nice to know i suppose!
More time passed and eventually Gaz and his Mrs, Orrin, Kelly, Jay, Tricky and his Mrs and Lolliver arrived. It’s never nice arriving somewhere when everyone is already arseholed, didn’t stop Ollie though as he was straight on it. He even had a bottle of Dubmike’s finest Cham-pag-nayyy! WIN!
The night was setting in and by now the beer had well and truly taken full effect on everyone. People went a wandering, some decided to crash in their cars due to the fact they were in a word - fucked! Ollie and Todd decided to take advantage gradient on the nice long road into the house and out came the longboards! Dean on the otherhand cracked out his little 5 years olds scooter. WIN! I wasn’t having a dig on a longboard but i would on a scooter. Dean managed a few good runs coupled with bits of trickery before nearly taking me, and Calverts camera, clean out. Ollie and Todd on t’otherhand had disappeared into the distance! All was good until we were unfortunately told to call it a day.
Once we’d made our way back to camp, it wasn’t long until resident un-h2o campsite crasher Shakey (HAHA) arrived and kindly asked if he could join the funs! Of course!!! The odd few hardcore of us made the trip up to the main marquee to sample some of Leed’s finest folk music! On the way we bumped into the Predator a.k.a. Dirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt from WOOOOOS-STAAAAA and apparently i called one of her mates a cunt! Whoops! News to me! In the tent we had a right good royal rave with me whoring the cameras which were looking over the dancefloor. Twas rather tiring all that “dancing” and with us not being allowed to take our own drinks inside we hastily called it a day and went back to camp.
As we arrived Ollie pulled the guitar out – as usual – and the sounds of Tenacious D and Jason Moraz rang through the air. We had a nice visit from little Jonboy and as it was his birthday we decided to give him a nice birthday sing song!
Numbers soon dwindled and off people trotted to their tents a steaming stinking mess of fags and booze until the morning came!
Rough? Yes slightly but we had a show to attend so the cars were gathered and off to the clubstand we went. Out came the cameras and in true Loafy style Dean was off taking pictures in some of the most random positions i have ever seen a human being get themselves into! It wasn’t long though until both Dean & Todd decided they’d had enough and in true lightweight fashion they did one home. Soft arses! We were all pretty tired but blimey it wasn’t even dinnertime. A few of us would only be getting home late that night as a visit to Shams was planned for after the show, but that comes later.
After a wander around the show we decided it was time to go check out all th’animals down in the little ‘zoo’ that Harewood had to offer. Penguins, birds, and lots of exceedingly good hedge art and staues sounded too good to miss. Raaaa-thaaaaa i say ol’ chap! One enjoys viewing art of natural habitat from the 16th century… ok not really but it was something different and we might aswell have a gander while we’re there. Not seen a flamingo for a good while!
On the way down Jay decided it would be a good idea to get a nice fresh ice cream from the fit bird in the ice cream hut. The sun had started to shine so why not. A few more of us followed suit. Someone mentioned something about getting ice cream on the end of their nose… there’s always one knobhead who has to take it to far… what’s the word? Oh yeh, it’s TWAT!
That was nothing though compared to what was going to happen around 20 minutes later. After saying hello to the Penguins and staring the the Ostrich for a bit we headed down the hill to see what delights were next to the lake. Birds here, birds there, birds everywehre. Just a shame they had wings! Arf!
20 minutes passed and the wandering continued until we decided to stop on a part of a path which was right next to a hill. Some weapon suggested that i should roll down the hill, and being the childish bastard that i am, i just couldn’t refuse. Taking one for the team is what it’s all about (i do not do anal before anyone says)!
Trust me when i say, it didn’t go down to well inside my head, or stomach, especially after having an ice cream not long before. How i avoided steam rollering the fleeing ducks on my way down aswell is beyond me, but i managed. QUACK FAT QUACK BASTARD QUACK HEADING QUACK OUR QUACKING WAY! I eventually made my way to my feet and back up the hill after recieving some rather bemused looks from the general public. I’m more thankful the ducks didn’t peck my face off though to be honest.
Covered in duck shit (FTGDMFL) we set back a wandering and bumped into Th’Orrin, Kelly, Tricky & Jane. Once again the child in me came out when Orrin pulled out his little booklet where you had to wander round and match the clues to the animals which were on little posts that were scattered around. Once found you picked up the attached lead block and made a tracing. YAAAAAYYYY! It really reminded me of being back at primary school. Only bad thing was he’d already found quite a few of the posts so i didn’t get to fill the whole book in unfortunately. Nevermind!
Out of the ‘zoo’ we went and back into the showground. A long chill in Simply’s shit black Mk4 Golf was much needed so that was me for the next couple of hours while others wandered.
The show began to draw to a close so h2o division decided to sack Sham’s off and make their way back to H.Q. The rest of us went back to camp and packed up.
Me, Kelly, Orrin, Ollie and Shakey made our way to Shams, a journey of roughly just under an hour. Navigating through Leeds = pain in the ass but we made it eventually, after stopping at Woolley Edge services whilst Kelly had a quick shower, oh and Shakey nearly shatting his pants. Guffing too hard whilst having a fag is never a good idea hahahahaha! The journey continued and we made it to Shams in good time – not long after he opened! WIN!
Down we sat in desperate anticipation for a curry, but manners prevailed and we waited until Leon, Calvert & Rosie arrived. Yes they’d made the 2 hour trek over from Blackpool to near Sheffield just for a curry. That’s dedication.
NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM.
Finally they arrived, and after confusing Mr Shakey by each moving down a place we began to scoff our faces. 45 minutes later we were stuffed to the max and decided as the evening was drawing on and the tiredness was setting in we should make our way home. Telling Sham he was a legend – again – we set off on the journey home. Ollie thought it would be a good idea to stop off at a layby halfway down snakes pass which had “good graffiti” to take some pics. We all agreed, sack it why not. We reached the layby – disappointed was not the word hahahaha! There was a tiny bit of writing and a cock on the wall! Deary me! Orrins head sunk into his hands!
Spirits weren’t dampened though and we ended up sitting there for an hour chatting and fucking about, all while Kelly decided to have a kip. Finally deciding that we really should be heading home we set back off again and headed for the motorway. Another epic weekend but muchos tiredness. Bring on Edition!
8 Responses
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Calvert Says:
Gutted i didnt make it, curry was ace though!
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Adz Says:
Good write up, shame I missed it!
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Kelly Says:
Win!!!
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DuBmIKe Says:
Will Bodyman take the knock at Edition? We’ll soon find out hahaha
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Nathan Says:
epic weekend lets top it with the three dayer of edition were i’ll be parking my car up first go and leaving it there !!
bring it on
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Sham Says:
Cheers for coming to my restaurant guys, as usual it was a pleasure, shame it got busy or else I couldve had a chat.Them 3 shots of my golf are amazing, big thanks to whoever took the pics
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The FoneJacker Says:
What an amazing write up, people must think i’m a reet bellend! hahaha
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Graham Says:
I also attended the curry… thanks for the mention guys
